3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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