I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
