I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
