a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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