Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm always down for nudity.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
we should paint friendship bongs
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