Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
