what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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