come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
