Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
