Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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