So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
