Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
