I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
