And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
