So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
