What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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