Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
