The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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