I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
