My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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