And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
