I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
