If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
