Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
