I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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