Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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