We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
