somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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