just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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