Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
