so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
