he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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