the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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