It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
