I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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