Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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