Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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