Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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