i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
