i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
