I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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