i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
