After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
