I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
