I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
