Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
