His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
