Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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