his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
