shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
