I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
