Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
