I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
