She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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